From Chaos to Connection: A Guide to Family Photos That Feel Like You

What comes to mind when you think about family photos? Maybe the idea of getting everyone dressed, ready, and smiling feels overwhelming. You might also worry about whether you’ll like the photos you’re investing your time and money in. Will they be beautiful? Will they look like you? 

MAKE A PLAN

First things first: find a photographer who fits your style. Before hiring a photographer, take a good look at their Instagram or website. I know, it sounds obvious, but understanding why you like a photographer will help you achieve the photos you want. Do they work in a studio or outdoors? Is the light warm and glowy or clean and bright? What do the colors look like, and is their editing style consistent? What are people wearing in their photos—are they posed or more natural? Answering these questions will help you better understand what you like and what to expect in your gallery.

Once you have a vision, planning the location, time of day, and outfits is the first step to bringing it to life. Your photographer should be able to guide you on location and timing, and they’re usually happy to offer advice on styling. Some general guidelines for what to wear: coordinate but don’t match, keep it comfortable, stick to earth tones, soft pastels, and neutral colors, play with textures and layering, and avoid big logos and loud patterns.

If this feels like a lot to consider before your session, consult your photographer. Share your questions and concerns with them, ask for styling advice, and perhaps even request to discuss things over the phone. They want to provide a great experience for you and will likely be more than happy to help plan your dream session. If they aren’t, it might be worth finding another photographer.

IT’S SHOWTIME

You’ve found the perfect location, everyone is dressed, and you’ve made it out the door on time. Give yourself a pat on the back because, from one mom to another, you’re crushing it. But here’s the thing: to get the genuine, joyful family photos of your dreams, it’s all about connection. Gorgeous golden-hour light and expertly coordinated outfits certainly help, but if you want photos that fill your heart and make you nostalgic every time you look at them, you’ll need to dig a little deeper.

Luckily, it’s not hard! It’s arguably easier than striving for “perfect” photos. Perfection is subjective; what one person considers perfect might differ from what you or someone else envisions. Keep an open mind about what your perfect family photos might look like. You’ve chosen a photographer because you love their work, so trust their vision. Yes, you want smiling photos, but remember that beauty also lies in the tender, everyday moments. Our families are complex and multifaceted, and these photos should reflect that. The blend of joyful, laughter-filled photos with quieter, in-between moments will truly capture your family’s spirit.

FIND CONNECTION

You might be wondering how to achieve this connection. How do you enjoy the experience and bring out the best in your family? Well, it starts with you. Here are some tips:

• Get Physical: Connection is key. And physical connection is an easy way to find it. During your session, try to always be in physical contact with someone else. Touch your baby’s tiny toes, brush your child’s hair from their face, hold onto your partner’s shoulder, tickle, squeeze, kiss. Whatever it looks like, whatever feels natural to you, stay connected. The camera loves it and you will, too.
• Lights, Camera, Action: Imagine you’re being filmed rather than having photos taken. This mindset encourages movement and helps you stay in the moment. This unbroken flow will inspire authentic moments that tell a story. You’re not waiting or posing; you’re just living. You can even take it one step further and pretend that you are watching this ‘movie’ play out from afar. You’ll see what your photographer sees, just how beautiful and captivating it is to watch your family dynamic in action.
• The Time Traveler: This one is a bit heady, but bear with me. During your session, imagine you’re from the future and have asked to relive one day when your kids were little. This is that day. This trick (or we could call it emotional warfare) can be especially helpful when your kids are testing your patience. It helps us get into the mindset that every moment, big or small, is meaningful and worth being present for.

GET THE BEST OUT OF YOUR KIDS

For many parents, the thought of trying to get our children to cooperate during a family photo session is arguably the most stressful part and it often takes more than a wish and a prayer. I get it, I’ve been there with my own children. But give yourself, and your kids, a little credit. You’ve got this! Here are some of my favorite tips:

• Let Kids Lead: I fell in love with photographing families right away, and children are often at the center of it. Sometimes adults get in their head about having photos taken, but that’s rarely the case with children, especially the little ones. Their willingness to just be themselves is my favorite part. Embrace this. Let them explore, have fun, be silly or shy, quiet or loud. If they don’t warm up to the photographer right away, that’s okay. Let them set the pace.
• Embrace the Silliness: Speaking of being silly, embrace this too. You probably don’t want a gallery full of goofy faces, but indulging in a little silliness won’t hurt. Your kids probably want to stick their tongues out and cross their eyes, and they love it when given permission to do so. But the real magic is what follows—giggles, authentic smiles, and pure joy. Giving them a little space to do what THEY want to do will make them more willing to cooperate with what YOU want to do.
• Tell Them They Are What You Want Them to Be: Children believe what you tell them. If you want your child to be a good listener, tell them they are. If you want to appeal to their sweet and gentle side, acknowledge their sweetness. Tell them they give the best hugs or that they are the best big brother/sister. On the flip side, if you tell them they are misbehaving or not listening, they’ll believe that too but may not be motivated to change their behavior. Let the encouragement flow, and watch your children rise to the occasion.
• Give Them Something to Look Forward To: I’m not a fan of bribes. Telling your child that they’ll get this if they do that can easily backfire. If a child feels like they are failing to get the reward (or loses interest in it), the bribe will lose its appeal and leave everyone frustrated. Instead, plan something fun for after your session. Take the family to get ice cream, see a movie, or have dinner at your favorite restaurant with a promise of dessert. It doesn’t have to be fancy; making ice cream sundaes at home will do. If you give your children something to look forward to that isn’t contingent on their behavior, it becomes an exciting anticipation rather than a threat.
• Avoid Punishment and Screens: Finally, avoid punishment. It kills the vibe, and a good family session experience is all about vibes. Also, avoid screens before and during the session. Using screens to occupy children often leads to meltdowns when it’s time to shut them off. Leave the screens in the car, or better yet, at home.

LEAVE YOUR MARK

Now that it’s all said and done, you truly deserve that pat on the back. Every time I’m on the other side of the camera, I’m reminded of just how much work family photos can entail.

The last step, and I cannot stress this enough, is to print them! Get them off your hard drive and into your hands. Create an album to look through with your children. Design a gallery wall that lives in your home. Let these photos become a part of your everyday, real life. They deserve to be more than just a square on your grid. Heirlooms, art, whatever you want to call it, just get it on paper and admire your perfect chaotic, beautiful, real life.